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MEDITATION
The Reverend Peter H. Rood, Jr.
(as printed in The Prayer of the Priest, Christian Meditation for Priestly Ministry, published by the World Community of Christian Meditation)
The beginning of my prayer life began at a very young age. The first prayer I learned to say was the Lord’s Prayer. Next I learned the prayer to “Mary, full of grace” and other prayers one must say during confession. Now and then I added to my inventory of memorized prayers, creating a sort of intercessory tool kit, using a certain one for a particular circumstance or need.
As I look back on this time in my life, I realize it marks a gradual departure away from a great silence that was part of my young life and being, a play yard filled with awe and wonder where I communed with God. Rather than being with God and in God in silence, my prayers became a form of doing. Quantity of prayers took precedence over quality. I diligently said them, filling more and more of that silent play yard with words.
This discipline was reinforced in school. My classmates and I said prayers at the beginning and the end of our day, the rosary once a week (on our knees), and we halted our work in class whenever we heard the wail of a siren from an ambulance, fire truck, or police car. During the school year, we attended mass on Fridays. I do not regret the training I received during this formative time of my spiritual life. At the same time, I know that, as more words infiltrated that wonder-filled silence, my prayers gradually became more utilitarian and often would deteriorate into dull and somewhat disconnected muttering. And as the pressures of adolescence increased, so did the items included on my grocery list of petitions, adding even more words to my prayers.
By the time I reached adulthood, I discovered the need for more structure of my prayer life. At the suggestion of my rector, I began saying the Daily Office. The reading of Office brought a certain order and a welcomed regularity. This arrangement of praying in combination with the daily reading of scripture was greatly enriching. During the spaces in between the lectionary readings of scripture, I stumbled upon brief though important times of silence to reflect on the passage. Within these small spaces, these seemingly small interruptions in a steady stream of words, I began to rediscover the mysterious and silent presence of the Spirit of God living and moving within me. This was the beginning of a long journey which led me to the practice of Christian meditation.
I was formally introduced to Centering Prayer on a quiet day, a welcome break from my studies during my first year of seminary. It was new to me and many of my classmates. As a proto-contemplative, I was eager to explore this rather mysterious form of prayer.
Somehow I imagined that meditation was simply a matter of sitting in silence, which would eventually lead to some sort of euphoric state and a sense of peace and harmony. After approximately five minutes, my eagerness began to slowly turn into restlessness and a growing sense of defeat. Instead of feeling euphoria, I was hopelessly distracted for most of the twenty minutes of meditation. I would discover some years later, while on diocesan clergy retreat with Father Laurence Freeman, that what I had encountered that day was the veritable conclave of monkeys that bounce about my mind during meditation. Somehow, monkeys and euphoria don’t go together.
Following this frustrating first attempt at silent prayer, I was less than enthusiastic about trying it again. For my remaining years of study, I was content to submerge myself in the wordy worship and prayer life of the seminary community. My contemplative life would remain on hold until after my ordination to the priesthood.
My ministry as a priest began at a parish that was just beginning to develop Centering Prayer groups. Interest in this form of prayer grew in the parish during the five years I was on the staff. On occasion, I would join these groups or participate in quiet days that were offered, but I still preferred to pray using the Daily Office.
In 2002 I was called as Priest-in-Charge under Special Circumstances at Holy Nativity Parish in Los Angeles, California. The parish was in turmoil following the death of their beloved rector after a long illness. At the suggestion of my bishop, I began a special training program, which combines Centering Prayer and Natural Systems Theory. The program is based on the premise that Natural Systems Theory provides unique and helpful ways to understand congregational dynamics, and Centering Prayer provides the method to assist individuals and the congregation to make necessary changes in patterns and behaviors. Centering Prayer helps to regulate the anxiety and reactivity as these changes occur.
At this point in my ministry, I began to meditate regularly, convinced by the mentor of the training program that meditation was an important way to manage my own anxiety and reactivity as I attempted to lead and effect change in my congregation. Once again, the chatter of monkeys filled my mind, but I stayed with the discipline and the periodic saying of a sacred word during the meditation.
It was my good fortune to meet Father Laurence at a diocesan clergy conference in 2003, where I was introduced to the saying of the mantra during meditation. For me, this method of praying, the saying of a mantra instead of a sacred word, opened up new vistas in my practice of meditation. Fidelity to the mantra throughout the meditation without interruption has allowed me to more readily open my mind and heart to the depth and breadth of God’s love that is at the center of my being. As Father John Main writes, the mantra “is like a harmonic that we sound in the depths of our spirit, bringing us to an ever-deepening sense of our own wholeness and central harmony. It leads us to the source of this harmony, to our centre, rather as a radar bleep leads an aircraft home through a thick fog.”
After the clergy conference, I invited a local member of the World Community for Christian Meditation to conduct a six-week teaching series introducing Christian meditation at my parish. The teaching series has spawned a weekly meditation group. At the end of each meditation time, I give thanks to God for this great gift. I believe that this growing interest in Christian meditation is evidence of the stirring of the Spirit of God within the community and a desire to grow deeper in the knowledge and love of the Lord.
My journey to Christian meditation has been a circuitous one, indeed. I am grateful to return, once again, to that silent place, that still place, discovered by way of silence, where God is both with and in us. Maranatha!
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The Church of the Holy Nativity serves the communities of Playa Del Rey,
Marina del Rey, LAX, Westchester
and also serves the Westside and South Bay areas of Los Angeles. |
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